Accidental Caddie

Where's Heimlich When You Need Him?

2008-07-15T05:08:00.000-07:00

Sooner or later your junior golfer will succomb to the pressure of the moment in a tourney and... dare we utter the word... choke. It may come early, it may come after a few years of play, it may not happen until they compete at a higher level, but sooner or later it will happen. It might not even be a choke, but in the course of events, he or she will define it as a choke. And then it may take on a life of its own. All signs will point to the next choke. It will be anticipated and worried about. Course management, even mechanics, may be adjusted to deal with it's inevitable reappearance. As in life, so in golf, there are pressures that are too much to allow us to perform at the highest level. So what to do?

Many parents don't dare utter the word "choke", or whisper it as if it's some embarrassing family secret. They may change the subject when it's brought up, call it something else, essentially go into full blown denial. I know other parents that go the other route. Their kid is choking, they laugh. Hard. At first I thought it was a bit cruel, but ultimately I've seen it helps their kid get over the self-importance of it all. After all, it's just a game. It's a small slice of life. Get over it. No big deal. The sooner they get that the better. The better for all of us.

Hills and Valleys

2008-07-04T07:42:00.001-07:00

As it is in life, so it is in golf: hills, valleys, times of success, times of failure, being in the zone, being in a slump. But when junior golfers, like junior people (ie. normal kids), hit slumps, not having a long life experience to draw upon, they may assume their slump means "it's over", they "can't play anymore", they've "lost it", and "it" will never return. Golf, like life, is a marathon, not a sprint, but how to convince them. You can't, you can only help them weather the storm, until they "get it back". Until they can draw on their past experiences, they won't believe what the future can hold. They can only live in the present, revel in their success which in their mind will never end, or despair in their failure which also in their mind will never end. Fortunately or unfortunately, depending where you are, we know it's not true. How to make them understand this is the challenge which can be met but never totally solved, as we await the passage of time.

Hot Enough For You?

2008-06-27T15:14:00.000-07:00

Speaking about perserverance, recently I had the opportunity to caddy for my son playing in a state open against quality amateurs and club pros. It turned out to be the hottest day of the year, 100+, and as the day wore on and the experience of his playing partners kept them afloat, my son's focus and enthusiasm melted in the sun. After playing three holes in a row in 5 over par, I heard the words I thought I'd never hear. "I don't want to play anymore. Let's stop." But he's fourteen and had had enough and knew he wasn't going to qualify so he just wanted out. And I, carrying his bag in the sun, could see a couch in an air conditioned room with an ice tea not far away, but no. I told him "No way are you quitting. Unless you're sick, you're finishing this round. No way." He never said another word, continued on, played better, I think even enjoyed the rest of the round, and gained some admiration from his older and more experienced playing partners. And on the way home, I looked at him and said "Now aren't you glad I wouldn't let you quit." And he said, "Gee thanks dad, you were right, you're the best and smartest dad in the world." Yeah right, he just looked at me and shrugged. But as he turned away, I saw the slightest smile flash across his lips. At least I think I did.

Everything Is Habit-Forming

2008-04-07T14:24:00.000-07:00

Last weekend I was reminded yet again why I love this game and why I love my son's involvement in it. He did well, which never hurts the overall take away but the real reward was watching my son and his competitors compete in the absolute worst golfing conditions I've ever seen. This might be normal for Scotland, but for round 2 on Sunday morning, they were sent out into a steady rain, temperatures around 40 and sustained winds of 20-30 with gusts to 40 and 50. It was brutal. Eventually the rain subsided to a light drizzle but the winds continued, and the cold held steady, and scoring conditions were seemingly impossible. And yet, not only did they all manage to post acceptable scores, they enjoyed the experience, and basked in the individual and group accomplishment of seeing the tournament through to the end with full focus and purpose.

As the morning began, out of about a hundred players, there were only four Withdrawals, all apparently by players who must have figured, if I have no chance to win, why subject myself to the pain and hardship. But I think they missed an experience and their parents, who let them withdraw, missed the opportunity to show them how important it is to perservere. Quitting is easy, and it can become habit-forming, unless we drill the opposite message into their heads. Some kids get it naturally, some through background of family, friends, and peers, others need some additional nudging. Not quitting, commitment to an idea, a cause, a purpose: it can't be bad.

And from the looks on the faces of my son and his fellow competitors, not quitting is good, real good.

Followup on "Not Complaining, But..."

2007-07-13T05:30:00.000-07:00

This is the positive response I received from the tournament director, and the kind of response you can expect, and have a right to expect in the world of junior golf:

It is very tough at your son's age to sometimes deal with that type of behavior. I would suggest that he come up to me or my staff and say something after the round so I can deal with it then. I will look at his group and send an email to everyone of them but I won't say who was complaining about their behavior. This tends to happen ever so often since we don't have a marshall or adult with every group but I hope it doesn't discourage your son in future events.

Not Complaining But...

2007-07-03T06:42:00.000-07:00

I want to share an email I sent recently to a tournament director who hosted a relatively important junior tournament. I think it applies to general experiences we all have had or may have fostering our junior golfers through competitive golf:

I don't want this to come in the form of a complaint because I think you and your organization are doing a fine job and ran a very nice tournament this week. However, I think you should know that some of the participants need some education about how to comport themselves in a competitive environment.My son did not play well yesterday at the qualifier, but his troubles were compounded by the behavior of his playing companions. Put aside the fact that they shot around 105 and 120 each (I lost count after a while). During play they were constantly moving about, standing in the wrong places, too close, talking, rattling the flag, slamming and throwing clubs (sometimes on the green), and one of them was actually using his cellphone during play. I won't even go into the rules they were breaking since their scores were so high, but they also told my son that the highest they could take on a hole was an eight (instead of the 9,10, and 11's they were actually scoring). I'm pretty sure that's incorrect (let me know otherwise). I told my son to say something, but he's young, non-confrontational, and was so disgusted halfway through the round, that he just endured it and finished his round.I appreciate that golf is a sport that all these kids should enjoy, but there needs to be a better way for the kids that are competing to do so in a acceptable environment. Anyway, we hope for a better experience next time. Thanks and regards

The Junior Golf Parent - The Journey Part I

2007-06-07T17:30:00.000-07:00

Parenting for junior golfers is a rite of passage. Every parent begins the journey in a certain way depending on the age your kid gets the golf bug, their temperament, your temperament, their level of success, their expectations, your expectations, and some other miscellaneous factors that escape me at the moment. Depending on all these factors over time, and time itself, parents change or become solidified or emboldened in the manner in which they support, follow, and push their junior golfer through their developmental years, and beyond. And no matter what I write here, they'll all probably do it they way they were meant to do it, regardless. But if you are listening, heed some advice. Let your junior golfer have fun, above all else. Let the pressure they put on themselves, be the only pressure they feel. Don't let your life become invested in theirs. Savor their successes for them, and support them through their failures as the great life lessons they can be. If you are a cheerleader, display decorum. There are other kids out there not always making the shot. Don't gasp, scream at the ball, jump crazily up and down. And of course, don't get in their face or any junior golfer's face. Stay out of it. Golf is unique in not requiring umpires or referrees to monitor every second of play. So it doesn't need an invested, stressed out parent getting into the act. It's a great game and a great rite of passage for your kid. You're mature, make sure your passage is quicker than theirs.

AJGA and Beyond

2007-06-04T07:44:00.001-07:00

I was talking to a junior golf dad at a tournament a few weeks ago, and he explained to me how a junior golfer needs to build a golf resume' from the age of 14 on up, if they have any hopes of landing a golf scholarship to a Division 1 or 2 school. The days of being some kind of unknown, secret, super talent and introducing yourself to the golf coach at Georgia Tech or Wake Forest at the age of 17 are gone, he said. He went on to say that they won't even be able to get in an AJGA (perhaps the most prominent golf scholarship fast track tour) tournament in their junior and senior year unless they've built a resume' of tournament participation and achievement earlier on. Anybody have any thoughts on this one?

Summer Golf

2007-06-04T05:35:00.000-07:00

There's a lot of time to fill when school lets out and if your kid is like mine, they'll want to spend most of it on the golf course. Unfortunately, good junior golfers under the age of 14 or 15 don't have a lot of friends that can play at their level. They can hook up with older kids for a round of golf here and there, or play with regular members, smoking cigars and talking about women (I'm kidding... mostly), but it's not the optimum atmosphere you're probably looking for for your kid. So what to do? There are a lot of golf camps out there, day and sleepover, and they run the gammit from reasonable to pretty pricey. On the reasonable side, our county offers the Pioneer Tour, which is a great way for kids of all golfing ability to learn and compete against their peers in a relatively low pressure golf environment. On the pricey side, there's a camp like the Mitchell Spearman Junior Golf. This summer we're looking at the Nike Junior Golf Camp at the Shawnee Inn and Golf Resort, a four day sleep away golf camp experience, which includes a lot of golf and golf instruction on a great course, and even some regular camp activities. We'll see how that goes. Of course there are a lot of different choices in different areas of the country, most of them in the south and southwest, but you can find some good ones up north as well. Check them out and make sure they suit your kid's level of play, their temperment, and your wallet.

Hitting The Range

2007-05-31T18:04:00.001-07:00

Before I go down memory lane, or immerse myself in the emotions of the game, I'll give you something more pragmatic. This is junior golf competition 101 but if you're a novice accidental caddie, this may well save you a lot of aggravation. For starters, the only thing more stressful than watching your kid four putt or hit to an island green, is getting to the driving range late when all the tees are occupied and nobody is looking to give up their space. And then your kid turns to you and expects you to do a Moses-At-The-Red Sea thing and split two tees and make a new one appear, with a pyramid of shiny new Titleists waiting to be whacked, of course. That aint happening. So first, get to the range first and early, no matter what the tournament. Once your junior golfer has loosened up, they can go putt, chip, talk, eat, whatever, but at least you got the tough one out of the way. When you get to the range, unless you had an early tee time and got to the range an hour and a half before, the tees are probably already full. (most of these parents and kids are on junior golf 301 or 401). What to do? Pick out a golfer who is hitting his or her driver and plant yourself behind them. Driver comes last for most warmups, so logic dictates they're almost done. Not foolproof, but pretty close. Then be patient. And polite. Everyone needs some time to go through their routines and your kid will want their time when it's their time. When you checked in for the tournament, it's a good idea to check on the driving range ball situation. Most tournaments provide pre-competition golf balls, but not always. You may need tokens, or need to bring a basket from the pro shop. Find out early, not 15 minutes before tee time when you're kid is having an anxiety attack or giving you one. Depending on the maintenance requirement level of your kid, you can use this time to clean clubs their clubs, buy water and bananas, or work at that second part-time job you'll need to afford your kid pursuing this golf dream in the first place. After negotiating the driving range and getting to the tee 10 minutes ahead with time to chip around, you can breathe a sigh of relief and relax... for a minute or two.

Point Counterpoint

2007-05-29T17:10:00.000-07:00

Before we go any further, in the interest of full disclosure, and a balanced report, I need to address some of potential shortcomings of an accidental caddie's journey. I once read an interview with actor/comedian/writer Larry David of Seinfeld and then HBO's Curb Your Enthusiasm fame. A golf obsessive, he lamented (I paraphrase) that if he had used the time that he spends on the golf course and driving range, he'd probably be a virtuoso violinist and speak fluent Chinese. Alas it's true, the time we follow our sons and daughters from tournament to tournament, with trips to the golf instructor and driving range, might be spent painting a picture, seeing family, kicking back on Memorial Day weekend, visiting a museum, well, you know, living a life outside of golf. Sunny days are swallowed up, not on the beach or flying a kite, but watching 165 yard approach shots check up on greens and applauding politely. It could be so much worse. We might be dragged to tractor pull competitions or god knows what. And after all, this is the life we've chosen... well, accidentally at least.

Quick Recap

2007-05-29T13:29:00.000-07:00

I've got a lot of blog ground to make up and I'll elaborate further in future blogs, but I think a quick recap of my initial journey (oh yeah, and my son's too!) might be helpful... Following his "graduation" from the local junior golf clinic, we took our son to play his first 18 holes, at the age of 8, at the Pines Course at the Seaview Marriott in Galloway, New Jersey. Site of the US Open in Galloway, New Jersey. Unbeknownst to us, Seaview was hosting the LPGA Shoprite Classic that weekend, and the coming out party for Michelle Wie, who at the age of 13 was the center of attention. So the indoctrination was complete: wonderful, storied golf course, the Bay Course designed by Donald Ross in 1915 or so, the Pines Course coming later in 1929; the LPGA; the media; and the sensation of 13 year old Michelle Wie hitting 285 yard drives while we watched on the range. That afternoon, he shot about 140 for his first 18, but that was okay, he was on his way to PGA fame. Fast forward to the Pioneer Tour run by the Bergen County Parks Department; the NJJGC, now Junior Golf America , run by Chuck DiLeo and his wife, Ginny; then US Kids; then the IJGT (International Junior Golf Tour). And there's more to come. Lot's more...

Genesis

2007-05-29T09:41:00.000-07:00

I became an accidental caddie about four years ago, shortly after my 8 year old son participated in his first junior golf clinic, outhit his contemporaries on the first day, and decided this was the sport for him. Shortly thereafter it became the way of life for him, and by default, I have been traveling down that road with him ever since. Officially I have been his "accidental" caddie many times, but now he is required to carry his own bag, so I have been relegated to unofficial status, ie. all the work, but alas, no 10% of his winnings, but a good percentage of the satisfaction of helping your child chase their dream while being immersed in the traditions and excitement of the game of golf. I hope this blog will become a source for other dads and moms whose children become similarly infatuated with this game, as well as a forum for discussion about the future of junior golf, and where the dream may lead.